|
FREEDOM
Dearest Hearts,
As
always I pray you are well. I thank many of you for the E-mails
I have received over the past 6 weeks inquiring where I have
been and if I'm ok since I have been off air during this time as
well. I am fine, and it's all been about FREEDOM.
The
short version is I took a six-week sabbatical, in part, to find
where I had misplaced my freedom. The lengthier version still
encompasses the end result, though I will share more of it with
you, not to tell a story, (since I am learning how to delete as
many stories as possible from my life,) but to inspire you to
consider where your internal freedom might be in case you've
been looking for it.
Six
weeks ago I posted a "vacation message" on my computer, handed
my 'to do' list to my loving daughter, thanked Randy my tech
engineer for taking care of business and said, good-bye. I had
never been away from work in my entire life for six
weeks...gutsy move.
I
was going where the ocean met the sky and peace and quiet was
not a foreign concept. My plan was to wake up for days on end
with zero responsibilities, meditate or simply be still for long
periods of time, write, talk with my soul, (or at the very least
listen,) detox my brain, get off the stage of my making, break
lingering strongholds with erroneous belief systems, rediscover
my fascination with ladybugs and the colors that are painted in
the sky when the sun decides it's time to let the moon take
over, and laugh out loud at the antics of the doggies as they
play without a care in the world on my favorite beach.
I
packed as though I were never coming home and headed to meet the
future Maureen who would, by the grace of God, learn how to live
unencumbered without drains, strains, guilt's and personality
addictions interfering with my freedom and authentic nature.
I
figured my authentic nature was somewhere tied up with my
freedom awaiting my arrival and welcoming embrace. Once found I
planned to fully investigate what they both really really meant
to me, what they asked of me and what my actions (not my
intellectualizing about them) would call for prior to moving
forward in life and into this new Universal cycle of time.
I
arrived at my destination, grabbed a bite to eat and fell into
an I can't believe I did this sleep...but I did.
The
sun, streaming through the windows awakened me early. I grabbed
my gear and headed to the beach to walk and meditate. The second
I smelled the ocean air my body began to loosen itself out of
its always tight and cramped position and tears suddenly started
rolling down my cheeks. A tiny voice wafted up from inside of me
that simply said, "thank you." Hearing that the big tears came,
the ones that are so huge you wonder how they make it through
the teensy opening allotted them. I let them free fall.
I
took my first full breath in about a year as I laid out my beach
blanket and sat on my little beach chair as close to the waves
as possible. Closing my eyes I sent out a prayer. "Dear God,
help me do this. Help me to find my way to the only thing I have
every wanted in my entire life, peace. Just peace. I have set my
intention and I've taken action. All I choose is peace and the
freedom that peace affords me. Please help me."
I
wasn't expecting a direct answer though it never fails that when
I sincerely put in a call to the Great Divine, my unwavering
Partner, there is always a response. I'm just not always
listening. Today there were no distractions.
"That's what you wrote in your very first book almost a decade
ago," I heard. "I know, but I lost my way, again." "You'll find
your way this time, you know what you are looking for," were the
last words I heard for five full days.
For
the next five days I attempted to meditate. Nothing. My mind was
yammering as though it were its last days of freedom
and needed to get everything said to try to save itself and
redeem its importance in my life. I walked the stretch of the
beach over and over again, attempting to get quiet, and
attempting to merge with one of the great loves of life, the
ocean. I couldn't get into her rhythm. I sought out dolphins;
couldn't find one. I attempted a conversation or two with my
Partner God; couldn't get a clear channel.
Everything changed on the sixth day. I had walked the beach,
blessed the water, every grain of sand, all of the seaweed and a
huge jellyfish. I sent off another little prayer for help.
Back onto my beach blanket a ladybug came from God knows where
amongst all of that sand and crawled up my arm. Since the time I
was a child, the sight of a ladybug has always brought me
instant joy and an instant connection to all that is. I knew she
was sent.
There she was and here came the tears. A sign. A signal that
contact had been made. I watched her as though I had seen a
ladybug for the very first time. I noticed every beautiful
polka-dot on her precious back. I watched her tiny legs inch
their way up toward the bend in my elbow. I tilted my head
moving my tears so as not to drown her. I felt blessed as the
waves merged and hit the shore disappearing into nothingness,
along with my thoughts. My ladybug felt free to simply stroll
lazily around my arm while I just watched her in fascination. I
heard the dogs joyfully talking to each other but I heard
something louder than they. I heard, "It's time to write the
book you've waited more than 20 years to write." I never
expected this.
Chills went through my body, tears never far from my cheeks,
began pooling in my eyes and I quietly felt the joy that
accompanies new energy, new life. I grabbed my journal, with my
arm not occupied with the ladybug from inside my beach bag, and
wrote what I believe every author loves to write; the title of
their new book (which I will keep private for now.)
The
very first sentence emerged and the one after that, and the next
and the next. I was flowing. This was the book I had waited a
long time to write, taking nothing away from the past three
books I've written and had published or the five CD's I've
written, all of which I love and honor dearly. This new one was
the one I was waiting to get the green light on and I never
wanted to birth it prematurely.
As
I began to write, I began to expand. I used my breath to open
every possible portal inside of me, calling forth more of my
Soul and strengthening my connection to Spirit. I asked myself
why do so many of us forget the magic of our breath and all that
it does for us when used properly?
I
was also reminded that none of us has to wait for a "Universal
Portal Day" for anything. We are individuated portals in
operation every single day. We can expand, release or call forth
anything through the temple (or portal) of our being, at will.
Anyway, in the midst of daily writing, I spent the next several
weeks in a state of noticing everything and judging nothing. I
felt freedom emerging. I gave up trying to solve any problem I
thought I had by giving it over to the Universe, getting quiet
and consciously making room for an answer to come up through me
when it was meant to. Very freeing.
I
stopped telling myself stories to justify anything. Not being
invested in my stories I became noticeably lighter. Quite
liberating.
I
also decided to stop striving for anything, from now on. I was
overdone in the striving department. No more. I committed to
myself to simply be present to my Life and see what the Universe
brings to me, without any reaching. A dear friend of mine calls
this magical living, and it is. I used to participate in magical
living quite frequently in years gone by and then I cluttered up
my life with imaginary responsibilities and imaginary problems
and moved away from my natural state of being. I clouded the
magic. Now I've cleared space so the magic can flow easily into
my life. (No doubt a maintenance program will be required here.)
I've also learned to make friends with silence for longer
periods of time and not touch a thought with another one while
in the sacred space of stillness. This is a key component to
freedom.
I
also discovered where I feel the most freedom. It is when I am
being 100% authentic, which means I tell the truth all of the
time even when I'm uncomfortable telling it to myself or
another. Not an easy accomplishment I can tell you for sure.
Whether we notice it or not, very few us are completely
authentic for any number of fear-based reasons primarily, the
fear of being rejected. It's important to sort out all the
reasons without judgment, as this is where we loose a big chunk
of our freedom.
All
in all I summoned my former life, blessed it and asked it to let
me go as I let it go. We had danced long enough. As we all enter
into this new cycle of time it seems appropriate to notice what
is truly working for us and what is not. This takes more than a
moment. It is an investment in our future worthy of our time,
whatever time it takes. Once noticed then actions of re-creation
must be implemented and tended to...after all, our freedom is at
stake.
Just before I left my sabbatical I was shopping for a Thank You
card when another card quite literally jumped out at me. It's
titled, "The Butterfly of Freedom" There's a box on the front of
the card and inside the box are a dozen butterflies flying
around. Then there is an opening that one of the butterflies
created in the box and is joyfully zooming around outside of the
box.
The
butterflies are conversing on the card, saying, "Why do you fly
outside the box?" "I fly outside the box because I can." "But we
KNOW the box. We are safe in the box." "That my friend is why I
left it. For you may be SAFE...but I AM FREE!
Copyright Maureen Moss, 2009.
http://www.worldpuja.org
http://www.maureenmoss.com
Please share with loved ones and please credit author and
websites as this is part of a greater body of work. |
